Maybe One Day...

"I should have left your ass a long time ago".....

               Last Wednesday I was the happiest girl in the world, and by Friday I was an emotional wreck...again.  So what else is new? It's been this way for three years, and I'm too weak to let go. I constantly get my hopes up with every phone call, text or sometimes even tweet. I start thinking about what could be instead of what is. I fill my head with all of the good times and try to suppress all the lies, pain, anger and hurt that are so typical of this relationship. Time and time before I told myself that this is the LAST time, but then I fall in his trap and seek out temporary happiness unaware of the long term effect it has on me. I'm at the point again, where I'm convinced that this time is for real. That this time I've had enough and that I don't want to do this anymore. But guess what?, if he calls, I'm probably going to answer. I'm probably not going to be able to recite this "I'm Done,I'm not doing this with you anymore" speech that I've been working on for days, weeks, months, years now. I'm probably not going to do anything but sit on the phone and smile,laugh at what he says and find myself emotionally faulted when the 15min passes and the phone call has come to an end. 
                 Maybe one day I will realize my self worth. Maybe one day I will change for the better. Maybe one day I will wake up and realize that I'm just as dumb as the girls I talk about. Maybe one day I can stop crying to every relationship song that comes on my radio, or every movie on netflix that has an emotional storyline. Maybe one day I can get my life back. Until then, please just keep reminding me of how dumb I am, how I deserve better and how I need to let go and maybe one day I'll listen. Maybe one day...
                                                                                                               -De'Anna