Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Get Up and Go...
Ever had that feeling where you just want to get up and go? Like you don't want to be here anymore? Like there is so much more to the world? The weather is getting so nice, and I just want to have a good time. I don't want to sit in this weak ass house any longer. I want to fill up my tank and hit the road! Why not? I have the money and I can make the time. Life is too short to sit here and think about what I could be doing. Instead, I'm going to start being spontaneous so that I can make the most out of my life. So what are you going to do? Try and do something fun and spontaneous at least once a week and I bet you that you'll see that there is way more to life. Have fun! Be safe...and most importantly...enjoy!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Maybe One Day...
"I should have left your ass a long time ago".....
Last Wednesday I was the happiest girl in the world, and by Friday I was an emotional wreck...again. So what else is new? It's been this way for three years, and I'm too weak to let go. I constantly get my hopes up with every phone call, text or sometimes even tweet. I start thinking about what could be instead of what is. I fill my head with all of the good times and try to suppress all the lies, pain, anger and hurt that are so typical of this relationship. Time and time before I told myself that this is the LAST time, but then I fall in his trap and seek out temporary happiness unaware of the long term effect it has on me. I'm at the point again, where I'm convinced that this time is for real. That this time I've had enough and that I don't want to do this anymore. But guess what?, if he calls, I'm probably going to answer. I'm probably not going to be able to recite this "I'm Done,I'm not doing this with you anymore" speech that I've been working on for days, weeks, months, years now. I'm probably not going to do anything but sit on the phone and smile,laugh at what he says and find myself emotionally faulted when the 15min passes and the phone call has come to an end.
Maybe one day I will realize my self worth. Maybe one day I will change for the better. Maybe one day I will wake up and realize that I'm just as dumb as the girls I talk about. Maybe one day I can stop crying to every relationship song that comes on my radio, or every movie on netflix that has an emotional storyline. Maybe one day I can get my life back. Until then, please just keep reminding me of how dumb I am, how I deserve better and how I need to let go and maybe one day I'll listen. Maybe one day...
-De'Anna
Last Wednesday I was the happiest girl in the world, and by Friday I was an emotional wreck...again. So what else is new? It's been this way for three years, and I'm too weak to let go. I constantly get my hopes up with every phone call, text or sometimes even tweet. I start thinking about what could be instead of what is. I fill my head with all of the good times and try to suppress all the lies, pain, anger and hurt that are so typical of this relationship. Time and time before I told myself that this is the LAST time, but then I fall in his trap and seek out temporary happiness unaware of the long term effect it has on me. I'm at the point again, where I'm convinced that this time is for real. That this time I've had enough and that I don't want to do this anymore. But guess what?, if he calls, I'm probably going to answer. I'm probably not going to be able to recite this "I'm Done,I'm not doing this with you anymore" speech that I've been working on for days, weeks, months, years now. I'm probably not going to do anything but sit on the phone and smile,laugh at what he says and find myself emotionally faulted when the 15min passes and the phone call has come to an end.
Maybe one day I will realize my self worth. Maybe one day I will change for the better. Maybe one day I will wake up and realize that I'm just as dumb as the girls I talk about. Maybe one day I can stop crying to every relationship song that comes on my radio, or every movie on netflix that has an emotional storyline. Maybe one day I can get my life back. Until then, please just keep reminding me of how dumb I am, how I deserve better and how I need to let go and maybe one day I'll listen. Maybe one day...
-De'Anna
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Smile :)
Good Morning:
Last night, right before I dozed off to sleep, I lie awake in my bed thinking about my life. Sounds kind of creepy, I know right...but listen. I was laying in my bed thinking about how truly blessed I have been. I'm 21 years old, I have my own place, three jobs, a college degree (well kind of..lol), an acceptance letter to a paid graduate school career, great parents, wonderful friends, a little extra money to spend and so much more. I thought about how much I complain and cry because of stupid shit. I need to stop complaining and start being grateful. Not everyone is on their grind, and opportunities don't come as easily to some people. From now on I'm going to walk around with a smile on my face and my head held high not because I can, but because I deserve to. Life is too short to be depressed. When the time comes someone will be sent my way to accompany me in my journey but I'm not going to beg for, search for, or cry over the fact that right now, this very moment he's not here. There is no reason I should not be happy and from now on my attitude will reflect my statement. Now I guess I better get back to work before this pile of paper on my desk I've been putting off work a couple days now grows any larger. Just remember that Life is Short...Live, Love, Laugh and most importantly...Smile :)
-De'Anna
Last night, right before I dozed off to sleep, I lie awake in my bed thinking about my life. Sounds kind of creepy, I know right...but listen. I was laying in my bed thinking about how truly blessed I have been. I'm 21 years old, I have my own place, three jobs, a college degree (well kind of..lol), an acceptance letter to a paid graduate school career, great parents, wonderful friends, a little extra money to spend and so much more. I thought about how much I complain and cry because of stupid shit. I need to stop complaining and start being grateful. Not everyone is on their grind, and opportunities don't come as easily to some people. From now on I'm going to walk around with a smile on my face and my head held high not because I can, but because I deserve to. Life is too short to be depressed. When the time comes someone will be sent my way to accompany me in my journey but I'm not going to beg for, search for, or cry over the fact that right now, this very moment he's not here. There is no reason I should not be happy and from now on my attitude will reflect my statement. Now I guess I better get back to work before this pile of paper on my desk I've been putting off work a couple days now grows any larger. Just remember that Life is Short...Live, Love, Laugh and most importantly...Smile :)
-De'Anna
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Home Sick..
Okay okay I'll admit it...I'm home sick! Well actually, I'm not home sick, I'm just sick of Springfield. I'm sick of being alone here. I'm sick of being bored. I'm sick of the fact that I have to constantly call my friends and family and check my Twitter to stay in touch. I'm sick of laying in the big ass bed with no company. I'm sick of working 3 jobs. I'm sick of the mall, this target, the lack of social life, the weak ass people, I'm just sick of Springfield!! Ugh! I want to go home and kick it with my friends, chill over peoples houses, go to the show on Monday, Pepes on Tuesday and on random adventures the rest of the week. I freaking want 2 white castles with katchup and pickle and a suicide lemonade from Baba's! Dammit!! Get me out of here! And to make things worse, I have to spend yet another 2 years in this hell hole for grad school! Someone please pray for me. I need it now more then ever!
-De'Anna
-De'Anna
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Dear Pandora:..
Dear Pandora:
Are you trying to tell me something? I've been sitting here for hours listening to your ever so selective playlist of emotion driven songs. Songs that send me into a deep thought about my life both past and present. A playlist that makes me want to be something more then someones second option. Oh Pandora, if this is a sign, I will do everything in my power to ignore it like I always do..but if every time I listen you continue to drain emotion out of me one day I just might listen. Probably not though..
-De'Anna
Are you trying to tell me something? I've been sitting here for hours listening to your ever so selective playlist of emotion driven songs. Songs that send me into a deep thought about my life both past and present. A playlist that makes me want to be something more then someones second option. Oh Pandora, if this is a sign, I will do everything in my power to ignore it like I always do..but if every time I listen you continue to drain emotion out of me one day I just might listen. Probably not though..
-De'Anna
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
HELLO WORLD!...It's Me!
SoOoo..I decided to start a blog. A blog that will let me post whenever, and wherever I want. A blog that will serve as an outlet for me to express all that is that is on my mind...well at least the stuff I don't mind sharing with the public. One thing you must know about me is that I am RANDOM...very RANDOM. I blame it on being an only child but some may beg to differ. Anyway though, back on topic, I'm excited that I finally joined and I can't wait to post! Until tomorrow...
-De'Anna
-De'Anna
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